Whoever thought that anyone would be complaining about the amount of synthetic urine on the market. But seriously, do you know just how much fake pee there is out there? Worse, it’s not just fake piss, it’s fake fake-piss. Some of the stuff out there is no better than colored water and will do absolutely nothing to help you pass a drug test.
So the question you need to ask is what is the new best fake urine for a drug test? Do you go with a purely synthetic option or something like the newer freeze-dried human varieties? What are some of the things you should really be looking out for when you are off shopping for fake pee? This isn’t the sort of conversation you can generally ask your biology teacher or get solid advice from your dad. Well, not generally, but I don’t know your dad.
Beginners Guide To Buying Fake Pee
It may seem like a really silly thing, but the first thing you should actually check out if you are buying fake urine in order to pass a drug test is what the delivery time is! Few people actually seem to buy the stuff just to see how it all works, unless you’re a journalist writing a story for vice or the like. It is one of the products that people start searching out once you have had warning that you will be facing a urine drug test – often at a pre-employment interview (which is one of the few circumstances where you will usually have advance warning but where it still comes as a surprise).
So – step one: make sure that whatever you buy will actually reach you in time for when you need it. As you are using your purchase to swap out for your own highly tainted (pun intended) sample you don’t need to worry so much about timeframes like you would if you were wanting to try the detox drink route, as some of those require a ten day method.
Before you click that ‘add to cart’ button, also check out any accessories that you will need. Do you know if your test is likely to be supervised? This means that you will have someone standing over you the entire time you pee. This can be intimating at the best of times, even for people who spend way too much time in men’s urinals, but if this is your first time trying to beat a drug test the situation goes from intimidating to downright terrifying.
So – step two: buy two lots of the fake urine, you’re going to want to test this at home.
It’s not just the mixing of the powder to make the right amount (too much water and the sample is going to be too weak, too little water and the sample is going to be too strong, either way could see you busted for using fake urine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine#Color), but you are going to need to find out how to get it to the right temperature.
Yes, urine straight from the bladder has an actual temperature range, and the person administering the test will actually test for that temperature. This is one of the many reasons why frozen urine you got your mate to donate to the cause is rarely going to be any use to you. You will need to get your pee sample to be around 98 degrees Fahrenheit. Although you may be ok with anywhere between 90 and 100, however if you stray too far from 98 you are going to find yourself in a world of trouble.
So – step three: make sure you either buy a heating pad or pick a fake pee kit that includes a heating pack.
Back to the idea that you are going to be supervised. It was suggested that you buy two packs of powdered for freeze dried urine, this is partially so that you can test exactly what the process of mixing it up and heating it correctly is before you actually need it. You might want to test to see how long your can store it before it cools beyond a useable temperature. However, the other reason to invest in a second batch is so that you can work out how to make the switch. If you’re a male, you can look at taping a bladder full of the fake pee to your bell and running a (taped) tube down your penis. This is about as much fun as it sounds, and chances are pretty high that you probably haven’t done something like this before. The last thing you need is the bag leaking, the connection tube becoming disconnected or any taping malfunctions occurring.
So – step four: make sure that you are purchasing all the various odds and ends recommended to make a switch under supervised testing conditions.
Once your little pack arrives, try everything together at home. You should probably get confident in using the bladder bag & tubing before you waste your money using your spare sample. Just work with water or something similar – do NOT use your own urine. Remembering that this is the bag that will be used to put your synthetic sample into. If you put your own drug tainted pee in the bag then it is pretty good odds that you will be contaminating your completely clean sample, which will mean you still fail your drug test, and all of this effort and expense will be completely useless. Although you could possibly use this as a test as to whether or not you should lay off the weed for a bit.
If you only smoke pot occasionally, maybe a joint or two a month, you are looking at THC and cannabis metabolites being detectable in your urine for up to around a week or so. If you are a heavy smoker, several joints a day, then you are more likely going still have THC and its metabolites still being detectable for up to 90 days (see here for timing). If you have enough time, get yourself clean and save yourself a whole mess of hassle.